I Need A Longer Runway

By Jennifer K. Saber

“If I have done anything to hurt or offend you this past year, I hope you can forgive me.”

Deep sigh. I glance down at my phone and see that familiar text. The one that gets me bent out of shape every year around the High Holidays.

Why does this bother me so much? My thought bubble fills with the same responses every year: That feels awfully generic. Is this really an apology? And if you’re sending this to me, do you have something particular in mind? If so, just say it.

And then I do exactly what one probably shouldn’t do during a season devoted to reflection and forgiveness: I sit and stew.

I know why these texts start appearing this time of year. We are approaching the High Holidays.

Elul (אֱלוּל), the Hebrew month immediately before Rosh Hashanah, gives us something I apparently need: a longer runway.

Rather than arriving at Rosh Hashanah and suddenly thinking, Okay, now I’m supposed to examine my life, repair relationships, apologize, and figure out how I want to change, Jewish tradition builds in a month for preparation. That includes taking stock of our relationships and considering which ones may need repair, or simply a little TLC.

Elul isn’t the destination. It’s preparation for the work ahead.

As I flip my wall calendar from Av to Elul, I’m wondering if this is the year I need to take better advantage of that runway.

This year, I also started wondering whether I had been looking at those messages entirely from my side of the phone.

I recently saw a reel on Instagram offering a simple piece of advice: “Always assume positive intent.” I’ve been saying this regularly to my three children lately. Or at least grumbling it under my breath in front of them when I get annoyed at someone who cuts me off in traffic or jumps ahead of me in line at the grocery store.

“Always assume positive intent.”

 

But what would happen if I took my own advice?

Instead of focusing only on what it feels like to receive that text, what if I considered what it might have taken to send it?

Maybe what feels generic to me is an imperfect attempt by someone else to begin the work of teshuvah– of return and repair. Maybe they’ve been thinking about their relationships, taking stock of the past year, and trying to make things right. Maybe the message that takes me only a few seconds to read represents far more thought on the other end of the phone.

And maybe assuming positive intent is part of the work I need to do during Elul.

In his reflection Forgiveness, Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks wrote, “Resentment is a heavy load to bear. Let go of it, and you will travel more lightly.”

Maybe that’s one less thing I need to carry down the runway this Elul.

What are you carrying that you might be ready to put down this Elul?

Jennifer Saber is the Manager of Community Engagement and Partnerships for Chai Mitzvah.

1 response to “I Need A Longer Runway”

1. Barbara wolinsky says:

   August 17, 2026 at 11:51 am

   So true!

   Reply