Engaging in Difficult Conversations, with Respect

by Michalee Merritt

How can we embrace and foster respectful debate and dissent in our communities during this time of extreme polarization? People are increasingly seeking out news from sources that support their own viewpoint and engaging in conversations with people of a similar mind. Respectful dialogue with an opponent has become a lost art in the age of social media, headline news, and rapid-fire responses. Chai Mitzvah’s sourcebook, INDIVIDUAL AND COMMUNITY: How to Disagree – With Integrity addresses this very timely issue. Below are some guidelines for respectful conversation, and if you would like to order a copy of the sourcebook, please let us know in the response box at the end of this blog.

Below are some guidelines for respectful conversation:

  1. Don’t shy away from an argument. In the Jewish tradition, arguments are good and healthy. A productive society is fueled by vigorous debate, so don’t shy away from getting into one. There are more productive ways than others to argue, but argument itself is a time-tested Jewish tradition.
  2. Examine every angle. Jews believe that you can’t find the truth until you examine every angle and exhaust every argument. We even have a word for it, Machloket, which is a dispute between two differing opinions on a legal interpretation of the Torah.
  3. Don’t be afraid to be wrong. Enter a debate armed with facts and your passionate perspective. Argue your point of view, but be open to considering the alternative. Dissent doesn’t require arriving at a conclusion, and being proven wrong doesn’t reflect badly on you.
  4. Value diversity of opinion. Jewish people consider diversity of opinion a strength. Our tradition dates back thousands of years and it has changed with the times. 
  5. Be informed. The art of debate and dissent requires a strong base of knowledge. You must be informed in order to join the fray and be able to stand up in a rigorous debate with those who disagree. That includes being well-versed on the opposing perspective.
  6. Talk to each other, not at each other. Listen as much as you speak. In Judaism, debate is all about arriving at the (or a) truth. If we simply talk at each other or talk only in order to delegitimize the other, we won’t arrive at any truth. Even if at the end you don’t agree, someone with an opposing view often has something to teach you, but only if you’re open to the lesson.
  7. Respect your opponent. While debate is a time-tested Jewish tradition, it is done with respect and civility. The idea is to find common ground where possible; that’s only done with compassion and consideration.

If you would like to order a copy of the sourcebook, please let us know in the response box below.

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