What wakes you up in the middle of the night?

by Nina Fondiller Woldin

It’s 4:30 in the morning, and I am wide awake! I am enveloped, like a cloud, in worry. I visit different solutions in my head, but none of them guarantee success. All of them remind me of how I could have done better – planned better, reacted better, solved my problem more efficiently and less emotionally.

You might be wondering what exactly I am worried about! Oddly, it doesn’t matter. It might be the parking ticket I haven’t paid yet (full disclosure, the ticket was for parking an unregistered car; I told you I could have planned better). Or it might be something worrying one of my children, or maybe one of my grandchildren is not feeling well.

Fortunately, I draw from my work! Having worked on our Chai Mitzvah Mussar curriculum, I tap into some texts in my head about the middah of equanimity, menuchat ha-nefesh הנפש מנוחת in Hebrew, literally “rest of the soul.” 

Rabbi Menachem Mendel Leffin, an early 19th-century Ukrainian rabbi,  wrote in his book Cheshbon HaNefesh:
Rise above events that are inconsequential – both bad and good – for they are not worth disturbing your equanimity.

While my worries may not seem inconsequential at 4:30 in the morning, I am reminded to be grateful for what I have, and that helps put them in perspective.

I also recall what Alan Morinis, Founder of The Mussar Institute, wrote in his renowned book Everyday Holiness, The Jewish Spiritual Path of Mussar.
Tranquility doesn’t spell the end of our spiritual struggles; it’s the inner quality that equips us to handle them.

The Mussar conversations in our Chai Mitzvah virtual classes are so beneficial – I hope you will join us, whether or not you are one of those 4:30 AM worriers! 

Our next session will take place next Monday, February 2, at 7:30 PM ET. Here is the link to register.

What’s one worry that keeps looping in your mind, and what would it look like to meet it with menuchat ha-nefesh today? Join the discussion – leave a reply below!